The thing about having ADHD is that, well in my case, I forgive too easily. Not because I'm not hurt, but because I forget how it truly felt back in the moment when a significant amount of time has passed. Therefore, it makes me blind to faults and mistakes. Not only mine, but other peoples. I forgive too easily; this is a weakness and a strength, I'm struggling with which it truly is. I'm numb to my past.

The problem is, I love too much. I'm so lost in the chaotic existence that life is, that I get too caught up in moments, phrases, words, ideas, places, memories, features, feelings, tastes, smells, sounds... the list is endless. The problem I have is differentiating which is platonic or not.

This is a journal entry from August 12th, 2015:


Skin deep in the summertime; eyes locked on mine, barely breathing and bones cracked with rifts of ecstasy. this is where we fell in love. Head first, with our broken hearts and injured souls and bruises wrists and faulty words. This is where our sins and alcoholic bloodstream a mixed with attraction and connection; love and lust. While we fight to find meaning in both, we found something more substantial. These moments however, like our bones, and the stars and the grass beneath our feet and the creaks in our hands are liminal. Nothing lasts forever, but I've been thinking about forever and when I do forever is you, forever is this, forever is now, forever is here.
Forever is liminal, it only exists within our souls and within the stardust. the cigarettes stained our lungs, the wine etched in our teeth and the grass imprinted on our knees; the bruises will fade and when they do, I won't forget how it felt. Tree houses, playgrounds, cars and train tracks. We fell in love here. We fell in love there. I fell for you the moment your hand grasped mine; or that night where I said I had to leave, but you kissed me anyway, for about an hour. Or two. Or hell even three and we made love for the 5th time that night because we could. Because we were young. Because it's liminal. And in those moments where the stars scorched your eyes and the moon drowned out the faults I saw something so much more than lust. I found forever there. I found love. I found you. I won't forget the summertime. I won't forget the way your skin smelt or the way your hands touched my chest and the way you heart pounded while my lungs trembled and fingertips shook. Skin deep in the summertime, substance abuse aside. I found forever in your stare, I found love in your grip, I found myself in our bruises. I won't forget the summertime.